Episode 86
Breaking Free from Survival Mode: A Call to Action
Life's ultimate boss fights demand our unwavering resolve as we navigate the labyrinthine challenges that define our existence. I, Taylor, invite you to engage in a profound examination of those pivotal moments when we, as individuals, must transcend the inertia of hesitation and embrace the arduous journey of personal growth. Through the lens of relatable gaming analogies, I delve into the intricate interplay between our personal struggles and the societal pressures that often impede our progress. This exploration is not merely a reflection on my experiences but an invitation to recognize the universal nature of our challenges and the transformative power of perseverance. Ultimately, we shall uncover the significance of confronting our fears and embracing the unknown as we embark on the quest to elevate our lives beyond mere survival.
Takeaways:
- Recognizing the pivotal moments in our lives is essential for personal growth and progress.
- Understanding our triggers is crucial for initiating movement and overcoming challenges we face.
- The journey from survival mode to thriving involves navigating discomfort and embracing new challenges.
- Embracing the unknown is vital; every new level presents unique challenges to conquer.
- Overcoming fears associated with vulnerability is necessary for personal advancement and success.
- The process of leveling up in life mirrors gaming; strategic planning and persistence are key to success.
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Healing in Hindsight™ is managed by host Taylor Daniele™ and Produced by We Are 8 Studios
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Transcript
Like I'm starting to realize a lot more how I am.
Speaker A:I guess the best way to put it is, is how I'm able to finally push myself forward.
Speaker A:How I'm realizing the things that I.
Speaker A:I'm upset with myself for, for having a lot of time spent on it.
Speaker A:But I'm also grateful that I am finally recognizing it.
Speaker A:I'm just kind of accepting it as better late than never.
Speaker A:It's meant to happen for a reason, that, that kind of mindset.
Speaker A:Because I feel like if I were to focus on how long it took me to come to these realizations, I would probably.
Speaker A:I would probably go off the deep end and spiral and ruminate too much about it.
Speaker A:So what I'm getting at is I used to think that people were strange when they said they got to a point in their life where something just switched or there was like a.
Speaker A:Something that went off inside them.
Speaker A:They were finally able to like really take action on the things that they wanted to do.
Speaker A:I used to feel like there's no way you just finally got to a point where you were taking responsibility and ownership over doing that.
Speaker A:I don't, I don't think that that's completely gone, but I do feel like I understand the feeling of something just shifted in me and I just could no longer really accept what I was doing.
Speaker A:Aside from the kind of neurodivergent stuff of just the paralysis sometimes that can come with anxiety and adhd.
Speaker A:I also feel like I have started to find and understand what my triggers are to get me to move on something.
Speaker A:On top of that, I feel like I have connected with enough people to realize that we all kind of face the same challenge.
Speaker A:The biggest part of facing that challenge is the fear of the unknown.
Speaker A:I went to a one day summit that was really insightful not too long ago.
Speaker A:One thing that came out of it in conversations that I had with one of my friends who also went was how generationally, even as a community, in terms of minorities, for my particular experience, it's the black community.
Speaker A:I wasn't fully immersed in a deep Asian community growing up, so I can't fully relate to that outside of the family and close friends who we spent a lot of time with, but like didn't go to, to neighborhood temples or anything like that to really get immersed in the Thai community.
Speaker A:So I can't speak to that.
Speaker A:But in terms of the black community growing up, there was always this underlying story, especially through our ancestry of survival because of the amount of hardships that came generationally and societal norms.
Speaker A:That don't always consider minority perspectives.
Speaker A:There's this cycle of survival.
Speaker A:Once we survive one thing, then it's like, all right, now there's another thing to get over.
Speaker A:There's another challenge to survive and try to get on top of.
Speaker A:I slowly realize that I watched my parents come out of that, but I.
Speaker A:I hadn't seen it for myself.
Speaker A:Even though I've.
Speaker A:I can look back and see where that's coming from, where I shifted out of a level of survival mode, because I feel like there are different aspects of survival in different areas.
Speaker A:But I do feel like I have witness that for myself.
Speaker A:Where the challenge comes in for me is now that I am out of that state, for the most part, I feel like sometimes you end up in it without really wanting to.
Speaker A:But now, the more that I think about it, I don't.
Speaker A:I don't even know if I want to call it that anymore.
Speaker A:It's not a survival state.
Speaker A:It's just a challenge of where I'm at.
Speaker A:I feel like I'm.
Speaker A:It's starting to sink in that each new avenue that I come to that is past that survival state is going to have its own set of challenges.
Speaker A:So even though you might be out of survival mode and you're finally in this comfort zone where you're not struggling, that was kind of the last three years before getting married and.
Speaker A:And moving into a house of.
Speaker A:I just gotten over a huge financial hit and all of these things right as I was coming into my 30th birthday.
Speaker A:Then the pandemic happened.
Speaker A:Once we started to come out of the pandemic in terms of being able to go outside and things like that, not necessarily that Covid went away, because it didn't, but I realized that those three years that I spent in that apartment, although it had its challenging moments, I wasn't really in survival mode.
Speaker A:I was finally in a place where, like, I was living comfortably.
Speaker A:You're listening to Healing in Hindsight, your Nobia's guide to unadulterated wellness.
Speaker A:It feels like we're all struggling to balance wellness, identity, and purpose without losing ourselves, doesn't it?
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:You're not alone.
Speaker A:I'm Taylor.
Speaker A:Danielle, and as someone who manages multiple disabilities, is trying to leave the corporate grind and striving to create a life on my terms.
Speaker A:I'm just here to help you embrace your path and redefine success in a way that works for you.
Speaker A:If that sounds like your vibe, join me for conversations and insights to remind you your journey is yours.
Speaker A:Exactly as it should be.
Speaker A:Maybe it's that comfortability that I'm clinging to a little bit, but it seems that each time that things get comfortable for me, something shakes it up.
Speaker A:I used to be afraid of that.
Speaker A:I'm still cautiously allowing myself to accept and just be in that.
Speaker A:In that kind of state, mainly because it's unknown for me.
Speaker A:Since it's unknown, it's difficult to.
Speaker A:It's difficult to navigate because I don't know what's next.
Speaker A:I don't have a roadmap for that.
Speaker A:When it's survival mode, it's kind of easy to pick up on the patterns of, okay, there's a state where there's this pressure of time.
Speaker A:You're having to meet something a certain time.
Speaker A:Then you get to that time point you manage to skate through by the skin of your teeth, and now you have to, like, rebuild.
Speaker A:Like, there's just this.
Speaker A:This pattern that seems to happen in.
Speaker A:In the survival mode.
Speaker A:So it's almost like an adrenaline rush of, I gotta get through this.
Speaker A:But when you're kind of leveling up your.
Speaker A:Your.
Speaker A:Your life into new territory of things that you've never experienced or even witnessed, some of the things that I'm coming into and trying to navigate, I don't have anybody in my immediate family to fully relate to.
Speaker A:That makes it even scarier, because it's like, who do I go to to try to understand how do I navigate this next challenge?
Speaker A:I realize that that has been the chains that have been holding me back of really pushing to create the things that come to mind for me and build on that and take ownership, to lead it, to spearhead it.
Speaker A:And that is the part that scares me, because it's not that I'm concerned about failing.
Speaker A:I know that I won't.
Speaker A:Even though there will be moments where things don't always go the way that I want it to, I know deep in my gut that if I were to just consistently do the things that.
Speaker A:That I know would aid in that level up, if you will, that it will be successful in some form.
Speaker A:Yes, there will be iterations, but it's just a road map that I am not familiar with.
Speaker A:Everyone that I see or can think of that has traveled down a version of that road, because it's never the same for each person I'm not super close to.
Speaker A:It's not that I don't have access to people to ask about those things.
Speaker A:I think I'm just nervous to be vulnerable about where I'm at currently and why I'm not There I'm realizing I'm.
Speaker A:I need to take back what I said of not knowing people close to me.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I do know a handful of people close to me who have elevated to a space where I'm trying to be.
Speaker A:My challenge and mental hurdle is because our paths are so unique, even though the underlying messaging or.
Speaker A:Or goal is elevate our lifestyle, elevate to the next level of life experience that is out of survival and comfort because that's.
Speaker A:That seems to be.
Speaker A:There's this survival mode now.
Speaker A:There's this comfort mode where you can just like kind of routinely do things.
Speaker A:Now there's this next stage of.
Speaker A:It's not survival, it's just testing.
Speaker A:It's kind of like going through.
Speaker A:Through a trial to allow you to make it.
Speaker A:It's like.
Speaker A:It's like if I'm going to keep it in kind of gaming terms, it's like going and finding the next boss before you can move on to higher rewards, higher levels, higher access to things.
Speaker A:It feels like I'm hovering around my next boss.
Speaker A:I'm holding off.
Speaker A:I press pause.
Speaker A:I'm doing all this stuff to prepare myself for it, but I'm not taking the hit.
Speaker A:I'm not.
Speaker A:I'm not aggroing the boss to where it's like, I see you.
Speaker A:It's time to do this so I can get on to the next.
Speaker A:To the next phase.
Speaker A:I find that surprising in a way.
Speaker A:I realized in even again, we're going to keep with the gaming analogy because that's what's resonating right now.
Speaker A:But there are certain games that are just hard for me.
Speaker A:What comes to mind is Elden Ring.
Speaker A:I've never played a Souls game, so Elder Ring is like my first souls like game.
Speaker A:You can't change the difficulty.
Speaker A:It just is.
Speaker A:You can't just button mash your way through this game.
Speaker A:Much as I want to enjoy the story, I want to enjoy the scenery and all stuff like that, but these types of games, you really do have to strategize.
Speaker A:You really do have to time things in order to overcome it.
Speaker A:There's time spent collecting resources, leveling up in with.
Speaker A:With smaller challenges and things like that.
Speaker A:Before you can really take on the larger boss, you get knocked out a lot.
Speaker A:A lot.
Speaker A:It just feels impossible.
Speaker A:But then you kind of keep at it because you pick up the patterns.
Speaker A:You start to realize, okay, these are the vulnerable moments that I can take advantage of in order to take down this foe.
Speaker A:That's kind of where I'm at right now.
Speaker A:The feeling that I had when I finally beat one of these harder bosses in Elden Ring, it is so, so satisfying because those type of games, it almost brings you to tears sometimes.
Speaker A:I know it's like it's just a game, but if you think about it in terms of life, overcoming those hurdles, especially those big ones that, that push you to the next tier, it's, it's so satisfying.
Speaker A:I've had very few moments in my adult life of that partially, I'd say majority my own doing of sabotaging myself from those moments where I could have overcome that had I pushed through and gather my resources and strategize.
Speaker A:But now that I see it, it's one of those things where I realize I am knowingly turning my back on these level up opportunities because I'm afraid I don't know what it looks like to win in those arenas, if you will.
Speaker A:It's not even that I can't fathom what winning feels like, that I daydream all the time about basking in that, that level of basking in that new house, moving to another country or whatever.
Speaker A:Like there's so many things that are like, hey, this is the reward for this.
Speaker A:It's the boss fight.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:This might take me months to overcome because I got to strategize, because I got to make attempts and get knocked on my face a few times or 100 times to figure out those small windows of opportunity where I can, I can really get a good hit in and progress.
Speaker A:I'm, I'm recognizing that I'm tapping into the moments where I'm like, okay, what, I don't care what it takes.
Speaker A:I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to do this because now, now you're just pissing me off that I can't get through this.
Speaker A:It feels like it shouldn't be this hard to do, but I have to own that I'm rushing.
Speaker A:I keep relating it to gaming because it's so parallel.
Speaker A:I feel like a lot of gamers can appreciate this of you're navigating the story, you're coming up against these challenges.
Speaker A:You lose a couple lives along the way.
Speaker A:You go through all the stages of grief, if you will.
Speaker A:You're like amped up the first time you go after it.
Speaker A:Then you get knocked out a few times.
Speaker A:You're like, oh, that's just the one or two and you get knocked down a couple hundred times and you're like, okay, this is depressing.
Speaker A:I don't think I Could do this.
Speaker A:I can't do this.
Speaker A:I can't do this.
Speaker A:I've done this so many times.
Speaker A:I just keep getting knocked on my face.
Speaker A:And you step away from it for a little bit, you're like, you keep side eyeing it.
Speaker A:You're like, I see you over there.
Speaker A:I really, it's, it's irking me that I haven't, I haven't defeated you yet.
Speaker A:But I don't want to deal with getting like, I don't, like, why would I willingly go get my head knocked off?
Speaker A:Like, why would I, why would I go over there?
Speaker A:But I can't progress the story if I don't.
Speaker A:And I really want to get to the next part of the story.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:That part starts to build.
Speaker A:That part starts.
Speaker A:I really want to get to the next part of the story.
Speaker A:Starts to become bigger than.
Speaker A:I don't want to keep dealing with falling on my face.
Speaker A:Then you see it in gamers.
Speaker A:When you see them tackle the same challenge over and over and over again, they start to sit up straight.
Speaker A:They're wiping their palms because they're wanting to really have good control over their keyboard and mouse or their controller.
Speaker A:There's just this laser focus that just sets in.
Speaker A:You see them start openly strategizing of like, okay, I know that they attack this way.
Speaker A:After this certain point, they'll do this.
Speaker A:Then if I can get to phase two of this fight where they transform their attack pattern, like, you just start seeing the strategy start to come in and they do get knocked down a few times, but it's not, it doesn't sting as much.
Speaker A:It doesn't sting as much.
Speaker A:You really start to see them like make chip away at, at getting past this next challenge.
Speaker A:Then when they do, it's the most unbelievable thing that you feel.
Speaker A:But it's like, oh, shit, I did that.
Speaker A:That's where like the intense, loud celebrations come in.
Speaker A:And I'd even say tears.
Speaker A:I didn't even say tears because you're just like, oh, finally, finally, it's oh.
Speaker A:So I'm, I'm saying all that to say, like, that's where I feel like I am.
Speaker A:Finally, I'm finally at that point where I'm sitting up straight.
Speaker A:I'm starting to openly strategize.
Speaker A:I'm starting to gather more resources.
Speaker A:I'm starting to move with more intention instead of just wilding, mashing buttons.
Speaker A:I'm, I'm watching the patterns.
Speaker A:I'm looking for opportunities to take advantage and exploit.
Speaker A:Obviously not for the sake of Other people just keeping it in gaming terms.
Speaker A:But I realized that I'm doing that.
Speaker A:It is a strange feeling.
Speaker A:It is a very strange feeling for me because I'm not used to that.
Speaker A:But I just started realizing I have all of this symbolism.
Speaker A:I literally just used a gaming analogy.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's exactly what's happening.
Speaker A:I'm starting to pay more attention to that symbolism of like, you have experienced this before.
Speaker A:You might not have experienced it in this particular way, but you have experienced it before.
Speaker A:In order to reap the rewards of that level up, you're going to have to do the same thing that you do in these games.
Speaker A:Eventually you're going to have to pick up that controller.
Speaker A:If you want to see it completed, you're going to have to grind a little bit, get some more skills, get some more feats, do some practice.
Speaker A:You might have to go approach it a couple times, try a couple different strategies, get knocked on your face plenty of times, but you are going to get past it.
Speaker A:The more that I'm thinking about it in that way, the more I'm realizing that I can't wait anymore.
Speaker A:Not even wait anymore.
Speaker A:I can't keep making excuses for myself knowing that the only reason why I.
Speaker A:I am not on to the next is because of me.
Speaker A:I don't know when that moment is for people.
Speaker A:I feel like it just happens different ways because we have conversations about all the time.
Speaker A:I've had conversations with family and friends about this all the time of like, I know what I need to do, I know what I need to do, but I don't want to do it and get knocked on my face.
Speaker A:I don't want to.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:I want validation that this is going to work because I don't want to waste time, energy and resources going at this.
Speaker A:But because our paths are so unique, we're never going to fully know.
Speaker A:Yes, we might see how someone else tackles it in a way that's unique to them.
Speaker A:We might get some, some tips on like, hey, if you're going to do this, you might want to go at it this way.
Speaker A:It doesn't mean that it's going to happen the same way, but we do have to have the drive to just try it.
Speaker A:Even if we can't get full validation for the way that we want to go about it because we haven't tested to see if it will work right, we should still do it.
Speaker A:That is the part where I no longer can sit here with that knowledge and ignore it.
Speaker A:I think that is the feeling that people have of that switch.
Speaker A:Now I get it.
Speaker A:Of, like, I have left the gam on pause long enough.
Speaker A:I have thought about it long enough.
Speaker A:I've watched enough YouTube videos to see how other people came up on this boss.
Speaker A:What were the moves, what particular resources are helpful to that.
Speaker A:But even if I go get the exact same resources, it does not mean that I'm going to have the exact same experience.
Speaker A:Sure, I could follow these attack patterns the exact way that they do it, but since I'm the one driving it, it doesn't mean that it's going to work every time.
Speaker A:That's how I'm having to look at life for me is.
Speaker A:Everybody's path, including my own, is very unique.
Speaker A:Even though we can share information, we can gather some of the same resources, we can tackle the same boss, it's still not going to be the exact same as someone else.
Speaker A:Even if there's somebody coaching us through, all that matters is that going at it, I have to accept that I might have to go at it a few different times.
Speaker A:That realization is what the last two years of not doing anything with what I started building is.
Speaker A:I was in that phase of, like, this isn't working.
Speaker A:This is not turning out the way that I thought it was going to.
Speaker A:I'm watching other people do it, and they're saying, it's this, this easy.
Speaker A:I'm kind of doing the steps, but it just doesn't sit, okay, let me get the gear.
Speaker A:Okay, let me get this off.
Speaker A:Like, I got all the resources, I got all the strategies or whatever, but, like, it's still not working.
Speaker A:But I'm not going at it hard enough to really know that it's not working.
Speaker A:I'm not giving it enough attempts to know that it's not working.
Speaker A:Because sometimes just the timing, it's just, okay, you went a little too fast on that.
Speaker A:Okay, you went a little too slow on that.
Speaker A:I feel like this is my.
Speaker A:It's just right timing.
Speaker A:Maybe not.
Speaker A:It's just right timing.
Speaker A:I feel like I'm in that energetic phase where, again, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm honing in, I'm focused, and I'm like, okay, I'm at a point where I can't really train any longer on this.
Speaker A:I can't drown in YouTube videos, skill guides, and all of that of like, hey, these are the set of skills you should probably aim for.
Speaker A:Like, I'm past that point.
Speaker A:I have hoarded and absorbed a lot of information.
Speaker A:I just need to start doing things.
Speaker A:As I start doing things, those skills, those Feats.
Speaker A:All of those pieces that I've gathered are starting to come together.
Speaker A:But if I don't keep attacking, if I don't keep dusting myself off, getting up and going right back at it, I won't know.
Speaker A:I don't want to say I won't know.
Speaker A:I won't be able to validate what I know.
Speaker A:I think that's the better thing to say because I feel very strongly that if I do what I know to do, I will be successful no matter how many times I might have to go at it.
Speaker A:So because I know that I can be successful because I know what I.
Speaker A:What will happen if I continue to take these steps, it's not a matter of I need to find out if I can.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:I need to validate it because I know that I can.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's not the question.
Speaker A:I know that I'll get past this.
Speaker A:I know that I can get to that next level and sit in the comfort of all of the perks from that level of I need to validate it.
Speaker A:We go through life seeing people do just that.
Speaker A:We see people move on to the next level.
Speaker A:It's like, man, look at all these skills and feats and rewards that you have.
Speaker A:Why can't I have that?
Speaker A:Like you can, but you got to go through this boss.
Speaker A:And here are the.
Speaker A:The things that I use and shoddies I use.
Speaker A:But you're gonna have to go do it.
Speaker A:It's not a matter of if you can, it's just when.
Speaker A:So I have to go into that when portion, validate that I can get past this boss and enjoy the rewards of doing so.
Speaker A:After some time of enjoying that, then it's time to rinse and repeat.
Speaker A:I think that's why I love gaming so much, because it really does.
Speaker A:It really is the perfect analogy for me at least, to understand how to get to the next place.
Speaker A:If I even think about some of the games that I play, there are some that are just like, this is just fun.
Speaker A:It makes me relax my brain and there's no major objective.
Speaker A:But there is in a way.
Speaker A:There always is, in some form or fashion.
Speaker A:Even if people can go about it different ways, you'll always look to your left and look to your right of what other people are doing and be like, oh, well, how did you manage to do that?
Speaker A:I want to do that.
Speaker A:So even when I think about all the variation of the games that I've played, they all have a start and a finish.
Speaker A:They all have their own ways of you gaining the experience and skills that you need to get to that finish.
Speaker A:And we're never satisfied with that finish.
Speaker A:It's like, okay, well, what's the next game that I can play that can tickle that challenge in me to level up Anyways?
Speaker A:Just a lot about what I've been thinking about.
Speaker A:I am, I am doing my best to not be hard on myself of being in that phase of needing a minute to gather resources and skills and things like that.
Speaker A:But now that I understand this pattern, I'm going to do my best to lean into it more so that way I can take on these challenges and move on.
Speaker A:Because when you're in grind mode, you can get really focused.
Speaker A:Okay, Nothing's going to change unless I get here.
Speaker A:It's a little bit easier to.
Speaker A:To want to go at it.
Speaker A:So if you are like me and you've been sitting on some things that if you just do what you already know to do that you'll get there.
Speaker A:Understand that.
Speaker A:I feel you.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:But just think about something that you overcome.
Speaker A:Again, I'm a gamer, so if you think about your favorite game that you've overcome this boss for and how long it took you and the skills and resources and research that you did, but you eventually did do it.
Speaker A:When I think about it like, that definitely makes me want to go after what I want a lot more, Way more.
