Episode 87
Self-Care Essentials: The Art of Refilling Your Energy Tank
Saying no may indeed represent the most potent form of self-care that remains largely underutilized by many. This episode of Healing In Hindsight dismantles the prevalent notion that self-care is exclusively synonymous with indulgent activities such as bubble baths and face masks. Instead, we delve into the foundational role of boundaries and energy management as critical components of a sustainable self-care practice. By recognizing that an inability to decline requests from others equates to a denial of one’s own needs, we illuminate how this acknowledgment can empower individuals to reclaim their wellness on their own terms. Join us as we explore practical strategies to recharge, even during those days characterized by low energy, thereby fostering a holistic approach to personal well-being.
Takeaways:
- Saying no can be the most potent form of self-care that individuals often neglect to practice, yet it is essential for maintaining personal boundaries.
- The pervasive misconception that self-care solely encompasses indulgent activities like bubble baths and face masks needs to be dismantled for true healing.
- Establishing boundaries is fundamental to an effective self-care regimen, as it directly influences one's capacity to recharge and maintain mental wellness.
- Recognizing and managing energy levels is crucial; individuals must identify their low-energy warning signs to prevent burnout and preserve their overall well-being.
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Transcript
Saying no might be the most powerful form of self care you're not practicing.
Speaker A:We've been conditioned to believe self care is bubble baths and face masks.
Speaker A:I've definitely done that.
Speaker A:However, the truth is that boundaries are actually the foundation of any effective self care routine.
Speaker A:When you can't say no to others, you're saying no to yourself.
Speaker A:And that's why most people feel drained no matter how many wellness trends they try.
Speaker A: lor Lore Back in late June of: Speaker A:It was really eye opening because I did not realize just how much I had allowed my mental health to degrade to such a point where not only did I have a panic attack, but trigger warning, I actually considered ending my life.
Speaker A:Now I will say that thanks to the years of therapy and realizations and work on myself that I've been doing for the past few years, I wasn't fully in it.
Speaker A:I recognized as those thoughts were coming up, that wasn't who I was, that it was something that was tempting me as a way to escape, and that it was a part of myself that was feeling neglected.
Speaker A:A lot of times when we think of self care, we think of them as these additional tasks that we have to check off.
Speaker A:And if self care feels like another thing on your to do list, it's not really self care, it's obligation.
Speaker A:You're listening to Healing in Hindsight, your Nobia's guide to unadulterated wellness.
Speaker A:It feels like we're all struggling to balance wellness, identity and purpose without losing ourselves, doesn't it?
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:You're not alone.
Speaker A:I'm Taylor Danielle, and as someone who manages multiple disabilities is trying to leave the corporate grind and striving to create a life on my terms, I'm just here to help you embrace your path and redefine success in a way that works for you.
Speaker A:If that sounds like your vibe, join me for conversations and insights to remind you.
Speaker A:Your journey is yours, exactly as it should be.
Speaker A:So why is everyone suddenly so obsessed with self care anyways?
Speaker A:We're living in an age where burnout is practically normalized and our collective mental health is suffering.
Speaker A:The pandemic forced so many of us to confront just how fragile our well being actually is when pushed to extremes.
Speaker A:Now people are realizing they need practical tools to manage stress, not just pretty Instagram routines.
Speaker A:I'm guilty.
Speaker A:Okay, maybe not Instagram, but Pinterest for sure.
Speaker A:But self care isn't.
Speaker A:It's not a luxury anymore.
Speaker A:It's becoming recognized as absolutely essential for Survival in today's world.
Speaker A:The tricky part is how do you make self care non negotiable without feeling guilty about it?
Speaker A:So when I started asking myself these questions and I started digging deeper into myself of what is it about doing these certain tasks or not even tasks, these things that feel so good when I am able to do them, but feel so bad when I can't squeeze them into my day, how do I find balance in that?
Speaker A:And I had to start reframing the way that I looked at it.
Speaker A:So self care is how you refill your tank.
Speaker A:And this isn't new information.
Speaker A:This is something that we hear in various ways all the time.
Speaker A:You can't pour from an empty cup.
Speaker A:You need to secure your mask before you secure the mask of others.
Speaker A:For the airplane reference, there are all these little variations of how we've referred to it.
Speaker A:But it's like when we say self care, when we say self care, it feels like this exception to the rule that it's its own thing that is burdening us.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:It's our own thing that is making it hard to move forward in things because it's its own separate to do list.
Speaker A:But it's not.
Speaker A:It is how you refill your tank on tough days.
Speaker A:Don't go for perfection, go for bare minimum.
Speaker A:That still keeps you grounded.
Speaker A:Remember, this is energy management, not an aesthetic.
Speaker A:It isn't just about treating yourself.
Speaker A:It's about managing your mental, physical and emotional capacity.
Speaker A:I like to think of it like a bank account.
Speaker A:You can't keep making withdrawals.
Speaker A:So work obligations, family obligations, stress without making deposits, rest, joy, recovery.
Speaker A:All of these things are either withdrawing or depositing into your bank.
Speaker A:And when you haven't been depositing as much as you've been withdrawing, you either can't withdraw anymore so you hit insufficient funds, or if you have overdraft protection turned on, you have this ability, the spare room, to just dig really deep and go just a little bit further.
Speaker A:You go into a negative and if you go too far negative, then you know you can end up in a not so great place because you're needing to pay back into what you borrowed, essentially.
Speaker A:Another example is identifying low energy warning signs before the burnout actually hits.
Speaker A:For me, whenever our battery is low on our phones, we have our phones and it will give you a warning like hey, your battery is at this percent.
Speaker A:Or for computers, if you get to a point where it's hey, you might want to plug it in.
Speaker A:Usually you get a little pop up.
Speaker A:What are different things that Provide this warning sign, if you will, that your battery is running low.
Speaker A:There is a kind of point for me where I get quiet.
Speaker A:If I'm in a social setting and my battery is starting to get low, usually the first thing to happen for me is I stop talking as much.
Speaker A:And if anybody has been around me, has spent any time with me, has seen me in a social space, I am talking a lot, I am engaging, I am trying to ensure that I'm connecting with everybody.
Speaker A:And it's not say that I talk the entire time, definitely make sure that I engage in a lighthearted volley of conversation if you will, But I am engaging.
Speaker A:When I'm starting to tank, that's the first thing that I shut off because it is an energy exchange.
Speaker A:So I listen a lot more, I sit back a little bit more, I don't move around as much.
Speaker A:I might stay seated with the same people, especially if the people that I'm with, or at least the group that I might have happened upon, they're a little quieter.
Speaker A:So if I see that I might lean into that more.
Speaker A:And that's how I know that, okay, I'm starting to reach a point.
Speaker A:I do also have like physical signs of just actual fatigue and tiredness.
Speaker A:But usually if I stop talking and I just start getting really quiet, that's how you know, that's my warning sign of okay, I might be done for this moment.
Speaker A:Because remember, self care is about capacity management, not indulgence.
Speaker A:There is also the bare minimum method which is creating a self care system for low energy days.
Speaker A:So you identify what your non negotiable self care habits are.
Speaker A:For example, drinking water, going for a quick walk, standing up, stretching, what else?
Speaker A:Sometimes it's just taking a deep breath.
Speaker A:These are all things that you could list as your non negotiables.
Speaker A:These are things that you have to do, especially on days when you have low energy.
Speaker A:And so once you've identified what that list of non negotiable habits are, you can categorize them if you will of like low energy, medium energy, high energy, and on these bare minimum method days, so like very low energy, you'll do what's called the one, one one rule, one to one rule, but however you want to put it, and basically it's just one small action for your mind, one small action for your body and one for your emotions.
Speaker A:So using a couple of those examples, if it's a bare minimum day, meaning low energy, doing something for my mind, my body and my emotions, I would pull from my bucket of low energy things.
Speaker A:So ensuring that I get some water could be one for my body pulling back and going and cuddling with one of my pets for five minutes, that could be one for my mind.
Speaker A:And stopping, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, that could be one for my emotions.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So creating a setup of a three tiered system is a great way to manage your energy capacity and working in your non negotiables.
Speaker A:So for high energy self care, you want to do activities where you feel great things that really get you moving or really just rev up your energy even more.
Speaker A:So for some people it's working out, it's journaling, it could be meal prep, it could be going on a weekly walk with your pets, it could be spending an hour with a partner, spouse or a family member or a loved one.
Speaker A:All of these different activities that really hype you up and make you feel great.
Speaker A:Some of mine are playing video games, but it's playing video games with someone.
Speaker A:So whether that's my partner, whether that's some of my online friends, same thing with getting physically out.
Speaker A:So karaoke is one that me and my friends do and have done for a very long time or going to brunch, or just meeting up on the weekends in general, going dancing, those can all be considered my high energy self care activities.
Speaker A:Because I always feel good afterwards.
Speaker A:Even if I'm tired, even if I'm worn out from it, they always make me feel good.
Speaker A:For medium energy self care, these are activities where, okay, you're not at full capacity but you're okay.
Speaker A:So it could be a short walk, listening to music, believe it or not, some people it's cleaning.
Speaker A:For me it's different.
Speaker A:So like some days it's like just organizing my files.
Speaker A:Like everybody's idea of what a self care non negotiable activity is going to be different.
Speaker A:So again, this is all about what fits you?
Speaker A:Crocheting.
Speaker A:I do, I've picked back up crocheting.
Speaker A:That is something that feels really good to me and it gives me a little bit of a challenge to work on.
Speaker A:But it's not too much, right?
Speaker A:So anything that is, I'm okay, but I'm not at full capacity.
Speaker A:But these are the things that kind of help me stay on a good space.
Speaker A:And then we already talked about it.
Speaker A:But the low energy self care, so the absolute minimum habits for rough days, usually when I'm having a rough day, eating, eating, drinking water are the two big things that I try my best to stay on top of.
Speaker A:Because when I'm having low Energy days.
Speaker A:I typically don't want to move too much either.
Speaker A:When I'm having a low energy day and I need something to help get me through, I will randomly, because of my anxiety, at times, I will randomly go upstairs and just motion for a hug from my partner.
Speaker A:He's used to it now, so I don't even have to say anything at this point.
Speaker A:I just go upstairs and I just hold my arms open or I'll like tap him if he's sitting at his desk to get him to face me so then I can go in for a hug.
Speaker A:Because there's just something about that contact and taking a deep breath while in that embrace that just makes me feel better.
Speaker A:And honestly, I think this particular activity is one of my non negotiables that exist no matter what type of energy day it is for me.
Speaker A:Just because one, it's also a way to just reconnect with him.
Speaker A:So that's always something that you can do of just, hey, there's no rhyme or reason.
Speaker A:It just gives me energy.
Speaker A:Whether it's low, medium or high.
Speaker A:Going and hugging a loved one or even a pet, that always is something that I feel like will always help me no matter what energy I'm happening.
Speaker A:It could be.
Speaker A:Again, deep breathing.
Speaker A:I think there was.
Speaker A:I actually had a pretty low energy day.
Speaker A:And the only thing that I really did is I gotten some news that I really wasn't too happy about and I sat with it, I reflected with it, and then I took some deep breaths and I had a meeting that I had to do that day.
Speaker A:Had to is probably strong, but I have daily meetings that I do with a group of friends as we're trying to help push each other and hold each other accountable and help each other get through our goals.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But when it's a day where we're having a hard time mentally or energetically, we can bow out at any point.
Speaker A:And so that was something that I needed to do for me is after I sat with it and I took some deep breaths, I was like, hey guys, I need to bow out of this meeting today.
Speaker A:I need to take some time for myself.
Speaker A:It's a low energy day for me.
Speaker A:I'm gonna take this time to just be with myself.
Speaker A:And that's exactly what I did.
Speaker A:I sat right in this cozy, comfy chair and I did a little crocheting and I did end up playing video games for a little bit and just zoning out, which helped me.
Speaker A:It gave me something to focus on because it was something that I could control, honestly.
Speaker A:And the news that I got was something that I couldn't really control at the time.
Speaker A:And so it's all going to look different for everybody.
Speaker A:So do not be afraid to list them out and play around with them.
Speaker A:Sometimes we realize that we do actions without even realizing that we're doing them sometimes.
Speaker A:And so we don't really have a gauge of how does this actually make me feel?
Speaker A:Is this giving me energy?
Speaker A:Is this taking energy?
Speaker A:Is this a lot?
Speaker A:Is this too much?
Speaker A:That kind of deal.
Speaker A:So I'm a big list girly.
Speaker A:Make a list, maybe create a little bank of here are all these activities and then sort through them.
Speaker A:These are the ones that I typically do or that feel right to do when I'm having a low energy day or a medium energy day or high energy day.
Speaker A:That way you can then weave them into your actual daily life and it'll become so a part of that that it doesn't again feel like a task and it shouldn't.
Speaker A:There's also a three category rule to have balanced self care if you will.
Speaker A:So instead of random focus on physical care, emotional care and mental care, I think that's really simple.
Speaker A:I think it's a great way to incorporate a non negotiable for each of those areas.
Speaker A:So physical care could be movement, sleep, nutrition, emotional could be journaling, therapy, meditating.
Speaker A:Mental care could be reading, doing like a digital detox or studying something.
Speaker A:So for me one of those my emotional care is my therapy sessions, both my psychiatry sessions and my talk therapist sessions.
Speaker A:Those have to happen.
Speaker A:Those are things where my schedule might get a little wonky.
Speaker A:But I always come back to those.
Speaker A:Those always for me need to exist in my life.
Speaker A:They are essential to me continuing to be a better human being and better understand myself.
Speaker A:So that's really my emotional care.
Speaker A:My physical care right now is sleep.
Speaker A:And I know that sounds weird like of course sleep.
Speaker A:No, it truly is a thing that I've been pushing more to make a non negotiable.
Speaker A:And I have been noticing that my body clock is even shifting.
Speaker A:I'm used to being up really early, my alarm is going off at 5:00am and I'm thinking that I'm going to be up at 5am, like physically up doing stuff and I'm working back to it.
Speaker A:Sometimes you get knocked off and you have to work your way back.
Speaker A:And I am up, I'm just still in the bed.
Speaker A:And then probably about seven is where I find myself getting sleepy again and then I won't wake back up until 10 but when I do I feel really good.
Speaker A:I feel really good.
Speaker A:I get up and I start doing my thing and even though most of the day is past, it feels because I'm used to being up so early, I feel like I get way more done.
Speaker A:So sleep has been something that I have been working on for the past year.
Speaker A:I did have acute insomnia at one point to the point where I needed a sleep aid, but now it's more so of a recognition that there is no task that is just that important that I can't take myself to bed on time.
Speaker A:Before I used to just literally just sit and scroll my phone or scroll my iPad or whatever for no reason at all.
Speaker A:There was honestly no reason of just I just don't want to go to sleep.
Speaker A:I feel like I should be doing something but I don't want to do anything.
Speaker A:So I'll just scroll here and at least oh no, it's one in the morning.
Speaker A:Okay, I guess I should get some sleep.
Speaker A:Oh but I got to get up at five in the morning so I'm only going to get four hours.
Speaker A:And it builds that lack of sleep builds.
Speaker A:I use a sleep tracker app called Rise that I really enjoy because it allows you to see, especially if you have some type of wearable, how much sleep you're getting based off of the type.
Speaker A:So your rem, your deep, that kind of stuff and it lets you know what your sleep debt is meaning here's how much sleep that your body is missing out on and it does a really great job depending on how you set up the app.
Speaker A:It texts me my melatonin window so the best block of time for me to start to wind down and really get settled into bed to where it's easier for me to fall asleep.
Speaker A:And this will adjust if you program in some of your non negotiable habits.
Speaker A:For example, it can sync with your calendar and especially if you're working out, it will pick up because if you link it to whatever health application that you're using, it can pick up that you might have completed a workout and then it adjusts your energy schedule for the day based on what you've been doing.
Speaker A:That kind of helps with that.
Speaker A:It reminds you hey, here are the kind of things that you might want to do to start to wind down.
Speaker A:It's a great application.
Speaker A:I'll have a link in the show notes for you to try out if you would like.
Speaker A:And that is just straight for me.
Speaker A:I have no affiliation or association with Rise.
Speaker A:It's just an app that I absolutely love.
Speaker A:Check out the link and if you're interested, give it a shot.
Speaker A:It's been really helpful to get me on track with my sleep.
Speaker A:So all of these in terms of examples is a system to help you manage your capacity.
Speaker A:And when you hit at least one port and when you hit at least one per day, you are doing enough.
Speaker A:And I think that's a great starting point for anybody.
Speaker A:One physical thing, one emotional thing, one mental thing, and then you build from there.
Speaker A:Now this next part, I.
Speaker A:I'm going to try to keep it as concise as possible because I have just noticed such an uptick in the use of this word and I want to do my best in sharing my definition of this.
Speaker A:And then as it relates to self care.
Speaker A:What am I talking about?
Speaker A:What I am referring to is boundaries as a form of self care.
Speaker A:Learning to say no without guilt, that's to me a form of that.
Speaker A:But let me take a moment to clarify the boundaries conversation, if you will, because it has been a major buzzword in the last couple of years, especially through the pandemic and as people are becoming more versed and more aware of the things that they need for themselves as they continue to interact with friends, family, co workers, bosses, colleagues, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker A:But here's the thing.
Speaker A:Boundaries are not something that you need to go and advertise.
Speaker A:You hear it so much that it becomes really hard to take it seriously because now people are using it to put distance between themselves.
Speaker A:Krista on the Almost 30 podcast, I feel like said that best in people use boundaries to create distance for themselves.
Speaker A:And that's not really it.
Speaker A:They're using it to put up walls.
Speaker A:They're using it to keep people out.
Speaker A:And that's not what they're for.
Speaker A:Boundaries are a way for people to interact with you.
Speaker A:And a lot of times with that you don't need to say anything, you just do.
Speaker A:So what are some examples of that?
Speaker A:An example for me and for all my human design folks, this is also me as a generator.
Speaker A:The hell yes or hard no test.
Speaker A:If it's not a hell yes, it's a hard no.
Speaker A:And obviously this is going to vary, but essentially the thought is that you have an internal filter that will let you know absolutely hell yes or hard no.
Speaker A:You don't need to advertise it to anybody.
Speaker A:You don't need to say my boundary is that if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.
Speaker A:You really don't have to do that.
Speaker A:You just react in that Moment.
Speaker A:Hey, we're really interested in doing this.
Speaker A:Would you like to join?
Speaker A:And as you think about it.
Speaker A:No, I'm not feeling it.
Speaker A:No, thank you.
Speaker A:I'm good.
Speaker A:It's a way to set non negotiables that protect your time and energy.
Speaker A:So boundaries are ways that.
Speaker A:It's your standard operating agreement for yourself for using some business terms.
Speaker A:It is how I choose to operate in this time and space that I'm in.
Speaker A:And if something falls outside of those things, then I probably won't work within them.
Speaker A:Now, to be clear, no boundaries should really be like hard pressed.
Speaker A:There are some exceptions to those rules.
Speaker A:I think that there are a handful that I have that's.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm not crossing this line, but for the most part they should be flexible, they should be porous.
Speaker A:They should be able to ebb and flow and move as things change because nothing stays the same if they're.
Speaker A:The only constant that ever exists is change.
Speaker A:The way that I operate may flex.
Speaker A:When I'm dealing with my parents or dealing with my husband, or dealing with my friends or dealing with a coworker.
Speaker A:It's going to expand and contract as.
Speaker A:As different things happen.
Speaker A:But I still know with the core foundation of how I want people to interact with me to be, I'm gonna have a bit more flexibility in how my husband interacts with me versus a coworker.
Speaker A:So boundaries really are just the way that you are moving throughout the world and how people should interact with you.
Speaker A:So when you're doing things or understanding and recognizing what your boundaries are for how people should interact with you, recognize energy draining relationships or commitments while you're at it.
Speaker A:And the reason you want to do that is because that allows you to create a, for less of a better word boundary script.
Speaker A:So things that you say in response that helps people to understand how to interact with you in that moment or over time, depending on what it is without having to say, this is my boundary, I'm.
Speaker A:It's a no.
Speaker A:So something like when it comes to relationships or commitments, using that same example, hey, we're going out to do this thing.
Speaker A:We're going to go out to go bar hopping.
Speaker A:Do you want to go?
Speaker A:I'd love to, but I really need to prioritize my rest today.
Speaker A:I did not get enough sleep, so I'm gonna hang back.
Speaker A:So those are things that you can do to really still make sure that you're managing your capacity as best as you can.
Speaker A:And I feel like we allow fomo.
Speaker A:The whole fear of missing out thing really Drag us into spaces that we don't wanna be in.
Speaker A:And I get it.
Speaker A:And sometimes, yes, sometimes leaning into the FOMO is exactly what you need.
Speaker A:And you end up engaging in a high energy activity that reinvigorizes you that that charges your battery.
Speaker A:That's me.
Speaker A:When I meet with my close friends sometimes I really will be in low energy and then being with them refreshes me.
Speaker A:It's going to vary, it's going to be different for everybody.
Speaker A:But for the most part it shouldn't be something that you are pushing yourself to do that is going to cause you strain, discomfort or harm.
Speaker A:That's how I see it.
Speaker A:So when it comes to self care, I think it would be good to ask yourself what's one area of your life where you could use better self care?
Speaker A:What's one area in your life where you need some non negotiables that should exist in your day to day in the same way that you breathe?
Speaker A:This has to happen.
Speaker A:This has.
Speaker A:There is no okay, I can put this off for another day.
Speaker A:This is a part of me being able to wake up, breathe, eat all of the things that feel or seem like they have to exist in order for me to function.
Speaker A:That's what some of your self care habits should be.
Speaker A:They are so much a part of me and a part of my day to day that I cannot function if it's not happening.
Speaker A:Something to think about.
Speaker A:Try the one to one rule.
Speaker A:So where do I need self care the most?
Speaker A:Physically, mentally or emotionally?
Speaker A:And for a week, just each day, do one thing, no matter how big or small, in one of those areas.
Speaker A:Do one thing for your physical health, do one thing for your mental health and do one thing for your emotional health.
Speaker A:I feel like that is such a great rule to start with and to really track and work in your non negotiable habits.
Speaker A:That way again it becomes just a part of you.
Speaker A:And if you notice that there is an area that you need a little bit more of, you can add more to that.
Speaker A:As we were talking through earlier, what if self care wasn't about perfection but is about managing your energy like a bank account?
Speaker A:Think of it as making deposits to balance all those withdrawals from work obligations and stress.
Speaker A:Setting boundaries isn't just about turning people down.
Speaker A:It's about protecting your most valuable resource, your energy and showing people by living it how to interact with you, not to put distance between you.
Speaker A:It should be flexible and porous and expand and contract as you need it to based on your energy.
Speaker A:The goal isn't perfection.
Speaker A:It's creating a flexible system that works with your changing energy levels.
Speaker A:And when you tailor your self care to match how you're really feeling, it stops being another obligation and starts being a genuine relief.
Speaker A:So with that, I want you to share your biggest takeaway on Self Care and tag the show Healing In Hindsight on Instagram.
Speaker A:Share your biggest takeaway, tag me and let me know.
Speaker A:And let's keep the conversation going because remember, these are non negotiables.
Speaker A:Self care is not a luxury, it is a must.
