Episode 89
Unraveling Society's Definition of Success
The concept of success is often misaligned with societal expectations and materialistic achievements. Throughout our dialogue, we delve into the nuances of what it truly means to lead a fulfilling life, emphasizing that success transcends mere paychecks or prestigious titles. Our discussion highlights the importance of self-definition in the pursuit of happiness, urging listeners to eschew conventional metrics of success that may lead to discontent. We share personal anecdotes of realizing that true fulfillment arises from aligning one's life with their authentic values rather than societal norms. The conversation serves as a clarion call for individuals to carve their own paths and construct a personal definition of success that resonates with their unique experiences and aspirations, thereby cultivating a life imbued with meaning and satisfaction.
Takeaways:
- Success is not defined by societal standards, but rather by personal fulfillment and happiness.
- One must avoid the peril of pursuing success that is misaligned with one's true values and desires.
- It is imperative to continually redefine success throughout different seasons of life, embracing personal growth and change.
- The journey to success involves creating a personal definition that resonates with one's unique path and experiences.
CONNECT WITH THE SHOW
Catch the full video episodes on the website! www.healinginhindsight.com /episodes
- Instagram @healinginhindsight
- YouTube: Healing in Hindsight™
- LinkedIn: Healing In Hindsight
SUPPORT THE SHOW
www.buymeacoffee.com/healinhindsight
Healing in Hindsight™ is managed by host Taylor Daniele™ and Produced by We Are 8 Studios
This podcast is for general information only. Please speak with a medical professional first before trying anything mentioned in the episode. The views expressed are the opinions of each individual. Healing In Hindsight® does not endorse the ideologies or beliefs of its guest. Please do your own research. We believe in being able to have a conversation even with differing opinions.
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
OP3 - https://op3.dev/privacy
Podcorn - https://podcorn.com/privacy
Transcript
Success isn't a paycheck or a title success.
Speaker A:It's what makes your life feel full.
Speaker A:The most dangerous trap isn't failing to achieve success.
Speaker A:It's achieving the wrong kind of success and realizing you've wasted years chasing something that never mattered to you.
Speaker A:But here's what's interesting.
Speaker A:The happiest people aren't those with the most impressive resumes or biggest bank accounts.
Speaker A:They're the ones who look for the time to define success on their own terms, not society's.
Speaker A:When I got laid off last year, it wasn't the first time that I'd ever been laid off.
Speaker A:So that really wasn't what bothered me about the whole thing.
Speaker A:What bothered me is that I knew it wasn't going to be my forever.
Speaker A:I knew that I wanted to get back to the show, back to recording, back to really leaning into my life experience and continued experiences and find a way to share the little lessons and things that I'm picking up and just putting it out there.
Speaker A:Because I cannot be the only person who's having these same realizations in life, especially going into an age and space that is honestly uncharted territory for those who are older than me, who I look up to.
Speaker A:And the reason being is because their lives looked totally different at this age and stage than what mine is currently now.
Speaker A:For example, my parents had a full blown family like most millennials that I know where their parents had us pretty young.
Speaker A:Go Team Gen X.
Speaker A:And there is a lot of life experiences as I went through my 20s and now in my 30s that they can provide perspective on but they can't 100% empathize with.
Speaker A:Because when they were 25, they had me and my sister.
Speaker A:They weren't living by themselves and then dating or dealing with the rapid change in technology, in dating and really establishing your careers and actually needing to have better credentials because staying in the same job for years on end isn't really the thing that we do now.
Speaker A:We have values and things that we won't tolerate at work that they did at the time.
Speaker A:And it's because they had a family to feed and a lot more that weighed on them.
Speaker A:That meant if they just left because of a toxic work environment, that it could have a huge ripple effect on how we were being taken care of.
Speaker A:And it's not that people don't do that now, let me be very clear.
Speaker A:But it's a lot different now than it was then.
Speaker A:Society's definition of success is designed to keep you chasing things that don't actually make you happy?
Speaker A:And the real path to feeling fulfilled requires completely rewriting your own success standards pretty much from scratch.
Speaker A:I've done the fancy title and I've had the paycheck and I've still come home feeling like something was missing.
Speaker A:Like I was living someone else's definition of winning.
Speaker A:And it just really hit me hard because we've been conditioned to believe that if I get the degree and then I get the full time job and I get the house and the car and the spouse and the family and all of that, that all of my anxiousness and everything that I've been through and everything that I have sacrificed is going to feel better.
Speaker A:Because I now have the thing that everybody told me I needed to have in order order to feel successful, in order to feel good about everything.
Speaker A:And that's just simply not what it is.
Speaker A:If I only have this one life that we know of, I have to spend most of it meeting the ideals of people who don't even know that I exist.
Speaker A:Now, not to say that culturally and there aren't family systems that do that too, but for the most part, they're being learned from societies and cultures that are not in our everyday and are expecting that we should do this thing because it's normal and that by doing that normal thing, you will then in turn be successful as long as you stick to this.
Speaker A:And I just call bullshit on that.
Speaker A:Like, I just can't subscribe to that.
Speaker A:Because your success isn't about what looks good on LinkedIn.
Speaker A:It's about what makes you feel whole when nobody's watching.
Speaker A:You're listening to Healing in Hindsight, your no BS guide to unadulterated wellness.
Speaker A:It feels like we're all struggling to balance wellness, identity and purpose without losing ourselves, doesn't it?
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:You're not alone.
Speaker A:I'm Taylor.
Speaker A:Danielle.
Speaker A:And as someone who manages multiple disabilities, is trying to leave the corporate grind and striving to create a life on my terms, I'm just here to help you embrace your path and redefine success in a way that works for you.
Speaker A:If that sounds like your vibe, join me for conversations and insights to remind you your journey is yours, exactly as it should be.
Speaker A:Nobody tells you that success changes with different seasons of your life.
Speaker A:Worked in your 20s, might feel suffocating in your 30s or your 40s.
Speaker A:Go figure.
Speaker A:I still enjoy a good cocktail, still enjoy a good strong drink, one that I can feel.
Speaker A:And then I'm like, man, I just kind of sit back on the buzz of it all.
Speaker A:But I am not really trying to pound them down like I was in college.
Speaker A:Back to back shots let me get as wasted as fast as possible.
Speaker A:I am very much.
Speaker A:I want to ease into it.
Speaker A:I want to feel it rise up.
Speaker A:And then it's, oh, hello, I'm in this calming space.
Speaker A:And also, hangovers just hurt more.
Speaker A:I'm not even in my 40s and they hurt now.
Speaker A:And realizing one, just how remarkable our bodies are, because how was I doing that Wednesday to Sunday?
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't.
Speaker A:I don't know how I was doing that Wednesday to Sunday.
Speaker A:I don't.
Speaker A:Because the way that my body could process all of that and then be ready to do it again hours later.
Speaker A:Not even days later.
Speaker A:Hours later.
Speaker A:Now it's.
Speaker A:It takes days.
Speaker A:Now it's like, you better pick one day.
Speaker A:If I'm gonna be feeling alcohol, you better pick one day because I can't guarantee you that I'm gonna be out tomorrow.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:What worked in your 20s might really feel suffocating in your 30s and 40s.
Speaker A:So I feel like you have full permission to pivot and redefine what matters at any point.
Speaker A:What about following your passion?
Speaker A:So here's the truth.
Speaker A:You don't need to monetize everything you love.
Speaker A:I know that's gonna hit home.
Speaker A:I know it's gonna hurt because I definitely come from a family and a background and people where it's.
Speaker A:That's a money making idea right there.
Speaker A:I am definitely an ideas girly.
Speaker A:They just come to me like clockwork.
Speaker A:It could be something that someone says, it could be a song lyric, it could be a lot of things.
Speaker A:And all of a sudden I have a scheme now actioning it is where it gets a little fuzzy.
Speaker A:But it made it pretty hard because growing up and this is not a flex by any means, this is just recognizing ADHD now versus not realizing it then.
Speaker A:I was just naturally good at a lot of things, but I got bored pretty fast when something wasn't challenging and new.
Speaker A:So a lot of the things that I've done, mostly creative.
Speaker A:I will say that I definitely knew that my lane was in the creative space.
Speaker A:The closest that I've gotten to anything logistical or technical has been working in tech and being interested in coding and stuff like that.
Speaker A:But I realize I am not meant to be a programmer.
Speaker A:I can do front end stuff.
Speaker A:That is what would hold my attention, how to make it look pretty and how to make the user experience and interface make sense as well as also be pretty cool.
Speaker A:But I don't have the energy or the attention span for that matter, to code every single possibility of something, to do something right.
Speaker A:So I always knew it was going to be in something kind of creative, media kind of space.
Speaker A:But that doesn't mean that everything needed to be a stream of income.
Speaker A:I pretty much do my own hair.
Speaker A:Not to that I don't love getting my hair done.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:I just have found one.
Speaker A:It's just economically easier for me until I am able to get to a place where I can pay to get my hair done regularly.
Speaker A:I do miss that.
Speaker A:I did grow up with that.
Speaker A:And one thing about my husband that he said to me years ago when we were still dating is he always imagined that he would pay to get his wife's hair done every week or two weeks or whatever.
Speaker A:So, like the idea of one day coming back into that.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:There's something about somebody else scrubbing your scalp.
Speaker A:Man, it just feels great.
Speaker A:But mostly braids.
Speaker A:So I do a lot of braids.
Speaker A:I know how to do my own wigs, all that kind of stuff like that.
Speaker A:Which is why I changed my hair so much.
Speaker A:Because I know how to do it and I think it's fun.
Speaker A:And I do my best to make it look fairly realistic, but I don't expect anybody to be like, hey, your hair was red a week ago.
Speaker A:What did.
Speaker A:What you do not say that.
Speaker A:You can't change it overnight, but I'm not trying to damage my hair like that.
Speaker A:So all of that to say.
Speaker A:I especially went through a heavy phase of like braids and twists.
Speaker A:And I would be out and someone would compliment my hair.
Speaker A:And especially other women who were interested in it, they'd be like, hey, who did your hair?
Speaker A:Where can I go?
Speaker A:Like, how much did you pay for it?
Speaker A:I was like, oh, I did it myself.
Speaker A:And I spent probably about this much on the braiding hair or whatever.
Speaker A:And then I would be asked if I wanted to do theirs and I would have to be like, no, I'm so sorry, no.
Speaker A:And it probably would look even better because you have perspective and angles that you can get to when you're braiding someone else's hair than your own.
Speaker A:But I do not have the speed.
Speaker A:Professional braiders, I do not have the speed.
Speaker A:I know how to pace it for myself.
Speaker A:But it's still nowadays, like, I could.
Speaker A:I used to be able to sit, like for a full eight hours doing my hair, but now it's probably a two, maybe even almost three day process just because I don't want to I don't have the same level of time that I did before when I was doing my braids back in like college.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So like, I've had friends and family members are like, oh my gosh, you know how to like dye wigs and all stuff like that.
Speaker A:Oh, you should do that.
Speaker A:I was like, I can't, y'all.
Speaker A:I can't.
Speaker A:And I know that it's great.
Speaker A:I know that there are plenty of people who would pay for these services, otherwise they wouldn't be popping up left and right.
Speaker A:But some things are just meant to remain pure joys and not sources of income.
Speaker A: to think about it and like a: Speaker A:So spend 90% of your work being competent and 10% on what lights you up.
Speaker A:And this has really helped because the balance helps.
Speaker A:Avoid turning things that I enjoy and I'm passionate about into obligations.
Speaker A:For example, Taylor Lore.
Speaker A:I stream on Twitch and even though, like, you wouldn't immediately recognize me because I use a handle name that's not easily recognizable unless you know me, I don't go running around advertising in the same way.
Speaker A:It's not that I don't still attend like TwitchCon and like to do different collaborations and things like that.
Speaker A:And it is a monetized thing, but I am not putting the same amount of effort into streaming as I am doing this show.
Speaker A:This show is number one priority for me and there was a point where I was looking at it as an avenue to connect with the community a bit more.
Speaker A:But I think I like the idea of doing a more closed live element.
Speaker A:I do want to do live recordings at some point, but I couldn't do it all the time.
Speaker A:Not in this capacity at least.
Speaker A:So when I started streaming and ended up getting monetized there, I felt a lot of pressure to have to make it work, but it's a whole other thing.
Speaker A:And so I just decided that this is my thing for fun.
Speaker A:And if it does make me money, great.
Speaker A:If I get collaborations, if I get sponsorships, whatever, that's all wonderful.
Speaker A:But I am not going to hang myself up trying to make this another money making machine.
Speaker A:Money is just a tool.
Speaker A:It's a resource.
Speaker A:It is not a worth indicator.
Speaker A:Your bank account is meant to support the life you want, not define your values as a human.
Speaker A:The number that matters isn't your salary, it's how many moments in your day feel meaningful.
Speaker A:And I feel like this has led to a lot of people in my age group who almost feel liberated because they now have this permission to pivot they've had this mindset shift.
Speaker A:Success changes with seasons of life.
Speaker A:You are not locked in.
Speaker A:So if you need to change what it is that your energy and passion is going into, then do that.
Speaker A:I feel like that's what's happened for me.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I was working for big corporations and then big corporations wasn't doing it anymore and startups were really where I felt and built my career and being able to really dig in and be a little bit closer to the ground on making things work.
Speaker A:And it's how I came into realizations of I enjoy being a trainer, a facilitator.
Speaker A:I don't want to be a teacher in a sense of a professor of knowledge where I'm teaching students in a way.
Speaker A:But then I realize it is the same thing.
Speaker A:I just, I like adult facilitations and I like to facilitate on subjects that I feel connected to.
Speaker A:I might not be the most knowledgeable about it, I will own that.
Speaker A:But feeling connected to it is another thing.
Speaker A:And I think that's partially why I came back to the show.
Speaker A:I needed to refresh the brand a bit because there's so much that I want to share that honestly is being locked in friend conversations.
Speaker A:But it's just these are things that if more people were talking about it maybe there would be a collective shift.
Speaker A:So I shifted from trying to build a career, a corporate esque career and a small to medium sized business way to this now hybrid if you will.
Speaker A:I'm now, yes, still looking for stable work as much as I wanted to not have to immediately go back into working full time.
Speaker A:I have a great part time contract gig that is leaning into my training capabilities and I get to train with so many different clients and it's wonderful but it is not paying the bills as much as a full time gig with benefits and all stuff like that.
Speaker A:But I do feel like I am a lot more selective and choosy about what I'm applying to and my purpose there.
Speaker A:I still have a lot to give to someone else's dream and someone else's purpose and desire to put out into the world.
Speaker A:But I am very much on the upswing of formulating my own.
Speaker A:So work looks a lot different for me and the things that I need to fulfill what feels good in work are a lot different and a lot of those things line up with what I'm already doing now.
Speaker A:A lot of the roles that I'm going for have to line up with what I'm doing now because my season has changed and I recognize that I need resources, I need stable resources before I can go into my own purpose and know that I can keep me and my family stable.
Speaker A:So with that, there comes this, the purpose versus the passion myth.
Speaker A: nd with the example, like the: Speaker A:Again, income is a tool, not a worth indicator.
Speaker A:Financial goals should support lifestyle design and not just numbers.
Speaker A:So purpose doesn't necessarily, or fulfilling your purpose doesn't necessarily always have to have a monetary gain to it, but you can lean into your purpose and lean into, hey, this is the type of resources that I want to support this type of lifestyle that can exist.
Speaker A:But the passion piece is to me more so the part that it's like, it does not need to end in a specific goal.
Speaker A: Thus the: Speaker A:And I feel like if we don't have some passion to balance out our purpose, we will go a little bit wild.
Speaker A:Because having a purpose, having a calling, having something that you feel that you need to put out into the world to not only honor yourself, but those that you're trying to reach, that can be a big burden.
Speaker A:That can be something that weighs heavily on you.
Speaker A:And I know a lot of people, despite that, love it.
Speaker A:They still wouldn't have it any other way.
Speaker A:And I hope wholeheartedly support that.
Speaker A:But I do feel like everybody deserves to have a moment to step away.
Speaker A:And that's how I see passion.
Speaker A:Everybody needs a break, Everybody needs space, especially from something that is your immediate calling.
Speaker A:It's not to say that you won't have moments even within those breaks, but you should be able to slow down and be like, it's not a no, it's not yet.
Speaker A:I really want to pour into you in this way, but I need to hold off for right now like that.
Speaker A:Like just finding that balance of not every moment in time deserves you jumping at every opportunity to lean into your purpose.
Speaker A:Sometimes you need to allow a little bit of happy middle before you jump to the next thing.
Speaker A:And again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with either honestly supporting your lifestyle.
Speaker A:It's just there are multiple.
Speaker A:There.
Speaker A:There are many ways that your purpose and your passions can support your lifestyle.
Speaker A:It's not just numbers.
Speaker A:Okay, so all of this is cool and all, but like, those who are trying to pivot, those who want to make that shift, what is the soft landing plan for career transitions?
Speaker A:And this is something that I have been.
Speaker A:It's a working, living thing for me because I know that this will not be the last time that I pivot.
Speaker A:But I've broken it down into three steps.
Speaker A:So step one is define what success really means to you, not society to you.
Speaker A:And really define it.
Speaker A:Get as detailed as possible.
Speaker A:Because I feel like, yes, start with the broad bigger picture, but the more detailed, the more that you get into the weeds of it, the more that you can down to the color of the shirt that you're wearing.
Speaker A:Whatever it is, it really helps make it easier to spot and map out when those things are happening for you.
Speaker A:Step two is test small changes before a full leap.
Speaker A:So I actually spent a year on the show.
Speaker A:I think that was seasons three to four out, no, four and five.
Speaker A:I was actually working full time for myself then.
Speaker A:And this on the show, on healing in hindsight.
Speaker A:And I did have a savings amount that was keeping me tied over.
Speaker A:I did gain some paid.
Speaker A:I did gain some paid sponsorships that also helped fund the business as well as fund my lifestyle.
Speaker A:And that helped me to realize that I wasn't ready to go full time on my own just yet.
Speaker A:It was nice, don't get me wrong.
Speaker A:Not many people can say that they took a year off and was able to lean into what they would like to be there full time, but it was not sustainable at the time.
Speaker A:I did not have all of the knowledge, the tools and the support that I needed to make that make financial sense.
Speaker A:So I went back to work and what's funny is I went back to work by the company that laid me off a year ago.
Speaker A:It's really funny.
Speaker A:It's really funny.
Speaker A:I got in the job not too long after I decided, okay, we liked this, we enjoyed this, I'm glad we got to test this.
Speaker A:But we're not ready just yet for this.
Speaker A:So here we are.
Speaker A:Step three, build a bridge plan, which is a financial and emotional safety net.
Speaker A:Now, I wish that I had this available when I got laid off.
Speaker A:And it is definitely something that I've worked into my business plan and into my business goals.
Speaker A:As I do get income streams coming in and as I do continue my job search and all of that, it is ensuring that I can cover myself.
Speaker A:And what made that year off so much easier is I was able to save.
Speaker A:And I did receive through because this is around the pandemic time.
Speaker A:So, like through severances from getting laid off, I was able to cover at the time, I was living by myself, my apartment rent and bills for six months.
Speaker A:And then I had to generate income to keep that going, which I did.
Speaker A:And it probably bought me about an additional three months.
Speaker A:And by that point I did end up signing a contract deal for the next six months, which helped keep the lights on for everything.
Speaker A:And then that contract ended and that's when it was like, okay, I am now seeing what I need.
Speaker A:So building a bridge plan is, I think, monumental in any transition because one, you want to make sure that you have the resources that will sustain you during the transition and then the emotional safety net isn't added.
Speaker A:I didn't really plan for that.
Speaker A: to or: Speaker A:So there was still a lot of stay at home stuff.
Speaker A:There's still a lot of things that we were still trying to get used to, being normalized again, all of that.
Speaker A:But aside from that, I did not realize the emotional toll that it was going to take.
Speaker A:I felt very alone during that period.
Speaker A:No one around me at the time was doing the same thing that I was doing, which you can't.
Speaker A:The emotional safety net I did not plan for, which during that time, how could.
Speaker A:It was a really tough thing to, to try to plan for.
Speaker A:There was just so many things that was just emotionally taking its toll on a lot of things.
Speaker A:But what I can say is that I felt really alone during that time.
Speaker A:Nobody was really doing what I was doing at that time.
Speaker A:Yes, I had friends, I still have friends that are in the same similar entrepreneurship space, but we were all like working full time in doing that and we were all working on our transitions and our pivot plans and we're all in different niches.
Speaker A:And so it's not as it's.
Speaker A:It can be difficult when you're trying to connect the dots and relate when you're not doing the same things.
Speaker A:It was hard because I didn't really have a formula of support in terms of, hey, here's the kind of support that I need.
Speaker A:Hey, if I need to tap on your shoulder, here's what I need some help with.
Speaker A:I didn't really have that, but I didn't really take the time to understand what that looked like for me.
Speaker A:So in building a bridge plan, think about not only the resources that you need, but the emotional support that you need.
Speaker A:I would ask myself, as you are thinking through what this would look like for you if money weren't a factor, if money was of no issue, how would success look different for me?
Speaker A:I would really ask yourself that question.
Speaker A:If money weren't a factor, how would success look different for me?
Speaker A:I would consider how often you've changed, what making it means.
Speaker A:To you already, remember when success was just getting your driver's license or landing your first job?
Speaker A:Society tells us what success should look like in every stage of life.
Speaker A:But I wonder, if you strip away all those expectations, would you still be chasing the same things?
Speaker A:I feel like the most liberating moments come when you realize you get to write your own definition of enough.
Speaker A:That is something that I feel is why I have pivoted, but stayed in the same realm with Healing, in Hindsight, and with this urge that I need to build this thing.
Speaker A:Because I'm just so sick and tired of watching people run down paths that are just not meant for them.
Speaker A:It's not meant for me.
Speaker A:And that's why I'm going through this process and know that this is not a process that I'm looking back on.
Speaker A:And I'm like, I am the guru, wise sage of all of this.
Speaker A:This is happening in real time of me figuring this out.
Speaker A:Like, I have no clue what I'm doing.
Speaker A:But I do have more than enough capability to critically think my way through this, and I do have resources, I do have a network, and I do have connections that I can learn from.
Speaker A:But no one else's measuring stick matters if it doesn't align with what truly brings you peace.
Speaker A:So I challenge you to write your own definition of success.
Speaker A:And hey, if you are open to it, tag me in it.
Speaker A:Send me a screenshot.
Speaker A:Tag me in it at Healing in Hindsight, on Instagram, on LinkedIn.
Speaker A:I would love to know how you are reframing success for yourself and really dig into it, really think about it.
Speaker A:Because I truly feel that if we started to write our own success plans, whether that's in work, whether that's in our relationships, friendships, all the ships that, you know, we would have such a deeper appreciation as well as a more optimistic outlook on life, because we realize that we don't have to do it the same way that everybody else is doing it.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker A:And when you reach those milestones for yourself based off of what you have determined is success for yourself, it feels so good.
Speaker A:And it truly makes me appreciate anyone and everyone who's used the phrase or meme or in a song or whatever, like, I am my own biggest competition.
Speaker A:Because nobody's life path is meant to be the same.
Speaker A:Otherwise, we wouldn't have a variation of entertainment.
Speaker A:We wouldn't have a variation of podcasts and singers and actors and dancers.
Speaker A:There wouldn't be.
Speaker A:They would all literally be the same.
Speaker A:But they are not.
Speaker A:Because Everybody's path is different.
Speaker A:Different.
Speaker A:And everyone can be successful in that path as long as they follow the one for them.
Speaker A:No one else's measuring stick matters if it doesn't align with what brings you peace.
