Embracing the Messy Middle: Finding Sustainability in Content Creation

I am Taylor Daniele, and welcome back to Healing in Hindsight.

So, it's been about three months, and I know some of you are probably thinking, here we go again, another creator disappearing and coming back with all the excuses. But here's the thing. I'm not here to make excuses.

I'm here to get real about what's happened when your healing journey collides with reality, when life gets messy, and why sometimes the most revolutionary things you can do is absolutely nothing. Because. Okay, here's what really happened.

You're listening to Healing in Hindsight, your Nobia's guide to unadulterated wellness. It feels like we're all struggling to balance wellness, identity, and purpose without losing ourselves, doesn't it?

It's okay. You're not alone.

I'm Taylor Daniele, and as someone who manages multiple disabilities, is trying to leave the corporate grind and striving to create a life on my terms, I'm just here to help you embrace your path and redefine success in a way that works for you. If that sounds like your vibe, join me for conversations and insights to remind you your journey is yours. Exactly as it should be.

I didn't plan to take a break. This wasn't some strategic pause or intentional sabbatical. I just got behind.

And then suddenly it had been three months and I was drowning in shame about being inconsistent while watching other creators post every damn week like clockwork.

So today we're talking about accidental breaks, the invisible advantages you can't see behind other people's consistency and why I have been struggling to come back, if at all. If you've ever felt like you're failing at a game where everyone else seems to know the rules, this one's for you.

Let me paint you the real picture of how this break started. It wasn't dramatic. It wasn't a moment of clarity where I decided I needed space.

It was me frantically job searching because financial reality hit hard. Doing interviews while trying to wrap up contract work that I picked up and adding record podcast episode to my sprint every single week.

And then watching it get pushed back every single time. And then my oldest dog died. I've had her for 14 years, literally since my early 20s. And I'm suddenly dealing with grief on top of everything else.

I'm just staring at my camera setup thinking, I need to get it together. I need to get back at it. There's so much that I could be talking about.

I have so much plan, I have so many ideas written out and all this stuff, and I couldn't Bring myself to do it. Part of that has been feeling like I need to look put together enough to be on video. And that's the thing about video podcasting.

It adds this whole layer of performance anxiety that audio creators don't have to deal with it at all. But that's one layer that's removed.

I'd plan to record and then I'll go look in the mirror and think, I can't get on camera looking like this and feeling like this. And it, it's not a vanity thing. It's. It's just been this disconnection from the version of myself that shows up as a podcast host.

Like that person who has insights and energy and wisdom to share. She just felt completely inaccessible to me. So weeks turned into months and the shame spiral kicked in real hard. Because here's the thing.

This wasn't my first rodeo with inconsistency. I'd been away from the show for two years before coming back strong. And I had all these episodes ready to go and the content schedule was going.

And now here I am falling off again. And the story I was telling myself was brutal. You're not cut out for this.

You can't commit to anything, look at everyone else posting consistently while you can't even show up for yourself. But here's where it gets really messy. Two years ago when I got laid off, I declared I wouldn't go back to working for someone else.

I even did a whole video that detailed the therapy session that I had the week after being laid off.

And all of the feelings that I, you know, poured out of wanting to make this my day to day, my full time, my everything, and declaring that I'm, I'm just not gonna do that. I'm not gonna go back to working for someone else. I was going to build something independent, something mine.

And now here I am, having taken a full time job out of necessity to be financially stable, to take care of my family. And that's felt like a failure on top of a failure.

Now, I know I had mentioned in the past that I had gotten a part time contractor job, which I did enjoy and still, you know, doing some work with, but the hours were inconsistent and it simply could not pay the bills. And to be clear, the role that I've taken on now I'm really enjoying it.

And I'm not going to go into details on who I work for just yet, just because I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing as a creator in whether or not some companies don't really want to be put out there that a content creators connected to them, especially if things don't always work out. So we'll keep that under wraps for right now.

But just know that I'm, I'm actually really happy where I'm at and I'm really glad that this opportunity came up and they know I'm a creator and it's been really great to be at a place where I don't have to hide aspects of myself. And so that has been extremely beneficial and a huge blessing for me.

So, you know, there's, there's that upside of it, but even so I, I'm watching other creators, some I know personally, some that I just follow and they're posting every week like it's nothing and the voice in my head is screaming you should be able to do this. But what I couldn't see was that essentially what I know now, some of them can hire help afford automations.

They don't have to manually edit everything while working 40 hours a week somewhere else. The invisible advantages are real and the comparison has literally been killing my creativity. So why am I sitting here in front of you now?

What's changed? How did I get from shame spiral to sitting here and actually recording again and feeling good about it?

Well, first I had to grieve the version of consistency that just doesn't fit my life.

I. I'm just not the person that can post every week no matter what, where I'm always on, where I optimize every single platform and use every tool and automation. That version of success, it was built for someone with different resources in different circumstances and different support systems. And that's okay.

But instead I personally started simplifying everything.

I stripped out software that was adding overwhelm instead of actually helping every tool I was trying to learn felt like 50 other priorities competing for my brain space. And when you have adhd, you are constantly competing for brain space.

So I had to get ruthless about what actually moves the needle versus what just feels like productive, busy work. I also stopped trying to be everywhere at once. The pressure to maximize reach posting on every platform was just literally paralyzing me.

So now I'm taking a step back to focus on a handful of places where I can actually show up authentically instead of spreading myself so thin that as you've seen, I disappear entirely. I think the biggest shift is I had to separate my worth from my output.

This shame around inconsistency was making everything I realized I was treating my own healing journey and this podcast that's Supposed to document it like a content calendar.

That's kind of what happens when you start to create is you see all of this advice and you receive all of this unintentional content, you know, with algorithms and things like that.

You watch one video on how to, you know, expand your reach or boost your podcast numbers or whatever, and then suddenly you are flooded with so much information of so many people and so many experts that are trying to do just that. I'm getting emails from people who are pitching me for thousands of dollars in coaching and programming that I just don't have.

But, oh, we can, you know, boost you here or we can ensure that your podcast ends up being number one here. And it's not that none of that sounds bad. I would love to be able to take the time and take advantage of those things, but I simply can't afford it.

And I am a firm believer of, and not to say that this means that anyone else is doing this but me personally, I feel like I don't want to disrespect somebody who offers a service that they charge, you know, money for and for good reason and not be able to afford it.

I've, I've come to a place in my life where, yeah, getting a hookup and a discount or whatever is great, but at some point when you start to produce your own content and you start to recognize your own worth and value and as you're building your own, you know, media empire, you start to realize the amount of energy and effort that goes into stuff. And for every minute that you are spending creating content for free essentially is money that you are losing.

That is one resource that we have monetized is, is time. We do it with the places that we work for.

We trade 40 hours or however many for X amount of dollars and you know, we put job descriptions on, hey, here are the tasks and things that you're going to be doing. And because of the task and things that you're going to be doing, we feel like it equates to this, right? That's how it all starts.

So when you know that you were doing something that are now full time roles at companies, it becomes difficult when you're approached or you're looking into, you know, software or services and it's out of your budget. But you just, I just can't bring myself to be like, hey, can you like give me this for free? Or like, can you do this?

Or you know, I don't want to haggle with people's livelihoods. And so it's really hard.

Because, you know, or at least for myself, I know that if I had the time and the space to offload some of the things that take me the longest time, then I feel like I could do more. I feel like I could still hold down the full time job and do this.

I definitely don't want to stress myself out trying to keep up with something that is completely outrunning me. Thankfully, I managed to get my expenses down by taking this approach of simplifying a lot of things.

And sometimes that means that the quality in some things don't exist or have to come down a bit.

I was really, really getting in heavy for making sure that I had like, you know, the video editing was like top notch and I really wanted to have a lot more because if somebody's gonna sit down and watch, I want it to have, you know, visuals and things like that. And I don't want it to bore people to just sit here and watch me talk into a microphone about my thoughts and my journeys and things like that.

I'm just an everyday person who has experienced life from a perspective that some people seem to register with. And that's great and I appreciate everyone that tunes in, but I do care about the experience that you're having.

And I do care that not only are you gaining something for you to think about for yourself, but that you're enjoying it.

That's why, that's why we watch YouTube videos, that's why we engage in different types of media, because it does something to hold our attention in some form or fashion.

And so me being the newly found, you know, Leo Rising, still Capricorn sun, still Virgo Moon, but realizing that that is something that I do want to and pride myself in doing is being a quality based person. I want to ensure that what I put out is something that even if it's not perfect, I feel good about.

And so that's kind of how I've just ended up in this space of like getting paralyzed.

Because what I'm seeing in my head is not matching the output or it's not matching the energy that I feel like I need to have to put out that quality output.

So, you know, I. I had to separate my worth from my outfit and this platform, this podcast, that's a place where I wanted to share everything that I have been experiencing from my diabetes journey to a larger picture of managing health and disabilities and my wellness while trying to have some form of a career, while trying to build my own business and, you know, carve my own path out of the societal norms that we're conditioned to feel like is necessary. It was just like my growth and insights were supposed to happen on a schedule that made sense for social media algorithms.

And that's just not sustainable, at least for me. What I wish that I had remembered is healing isn't linear, and neither is building something that matters.

I literally have a book called the Messy Middle that is all about true the entrepreneurial journey and, you know, the spark of the inspiration that starts in, and you can see the finish line. You can see where you want this to be, but you can't really see what's going on in the middle.

And that's the part that we are all in, in some form of fashion.

We are all in some form of messy middle, whether that's with our business, whether that's with our careers, whether that's with our health, like, just our livelihoods in general. I am literally 35.

I'm having to think about, oh, my gosh, I'm coming up on 40s, and, oh, my gosh, like, I have lived quite a long time and trying to not get caught up in what have I done for myself and what's going on and all these things. And, you know, have I am. I am my prime, Have I missed my opportunity? All of these things.

And so with all of that understanding, sometimes the most productive thing you can do is disappoint people who expect you to perform at their pace. And I had to be okay with that.

So now I have a set of questions that I reflect on before any episode that I, you know, write down ideas for before I decide to sit down and record. So am I creating this because I have something real to share or because I think I should?

A lot of the content that I've put out in the past, whether it's for myself or even when I was, you know, doing it for, you know, companies that I used to work for, it was really hard to connect with some things because I didn't always feel it. It was just like, I. I have to do this or I should do this.

And so that bled into my own stuff of I'm not sure if what I'm sharing is actually valuable or I'm not sure if I'm able to really connect with the words that I've put down on this page as a thought, as a thing to expand upon. Do I really have the experience to speak to this?

And I have had to really, really honestly be in my body during these moments of what am I actually feeling? And anytime that I am Recording something that I feel really good about or even if I don't feel good about it.

Because some subjects are just hard and you might not always feel good about what you need to talk about, but you or at least connected with it in a way that's like, no, this is worth discussing. This is worth taking the time out to do this. I have something that I feel strongly about one way or the other, and I want to share it.

And whether that's just to say, I am Taylor, hear me roar, or hey, is anybody else experiencing this? Or you know what? I feel pretty confident in this subject matter. Let's talk about it.

I want to ensure that no matter what phase of my process that I'm in, I'm constantly connecting back to. And this sounds so cliche, but it really is true. My why? Connecting back to your why really is the root of, of any action that we take.

Why do we do what we do? My next question that I ask myself is, do I have the emotional and physical energy to show up authentically right now? And that one's a difficult one.

And showing up authentically doesn't always mean that I'm going to be in this, you know, high energy mood, but for me it means do I have enough to give in order to ensure that I'm still going to feel good about what I'm sharing and what I'm putting out?

And that to me is more important than anything because I want to ensure that what I am sharing not only do I connect with, but that I can give it enough of a springboard to again, still create something that's valuable to connect with. It's not to say that I will never, you know, get on camera and get on this microphone and record and, you know, I'm always going to be dolled up.

That's always the aim because that's just how I was raised. And that's just what I, you know, have come to understand this level of content creation to be.

But giving myself the room that, you know what, I might have something really valuable to say, but the energy to look pretty in order to present it may not be there, but I have the drive to just sit and just go in on it and I need to be okay with that. And sometimes I might look good, I might have all the bells and whistles going on, but my well is dry.

And even though I look the part and I could sit and look great on camera, I might not be able to to deliver what I need to in the way that I need to at all and sometimes it's not worth trying to do if that's what's happening.

So ensuring that the effort and energy that I put in equates to value, even if that means other areas are not perfect, whether that's my hair is not always looking the best or, you know, you can see that my skin isn't doing the greatest one day or whatever, you know, I think it's more important to ensure that the quality and the energy that I'm putting out is enough. And then the last question that I have been including it, is there any type of support that I need?

And what support do I actually need to make this sustainable? And here's the thing about this last question.

I had to get really honest about working full time while building something on the side that's just my reality right now. And fighting it was using energy that I needed for actually creating the sustainable pace framework.

The following something that a calendar says I should it, it was just not working for me. So the way that my sustainable pace looks like, sometimes that means three episodes in a month, sometimes it means one.

But when I do show up, it's actually me and not a performed version of who I think a podcast host should be. And that already, even just in my body now feels so much better.

And I think the other thing is, and it's funny because I've seen my podcast mentors do this of batch recording, but being afraid that, oh my gosh, they're seeing me in the same thing. I know it's. It's the silliest things. It is the silliest thing to be more concerned about. What are people going to think about my appearance?

Are people going to talk about, hey, she's put out like five episodes and she's wearing the exact same outfit each time, you know, like, even though it's known that batch recording is a thing, and I feel like I've just allowed again, this perfectionism of, you know, I'm putting on a show and I'm used to, or I think in the polished version of, like, TV shows or, you know, talk shows that we see where it's very polished, very curated. I have a run of show document, right?

So, like, I'm treating it like this because everyone says, like, you know, fake it till you make it or, you know, do what your higher self would do and all these other things where it's just like, okay, if that's the case, then I need to operate like, I have a full production team and I don't. I am a production team of One. So just coming to the reality of that, and I don't think it's wrong to aspire to that.

I do think that it is hindering me from doing my best work, though. And if there's anything that I care about, it's ensuring that I'm putting out quality work.

But that quality doesn't have to be the same for what I see elsewhere. It doesn't have to be the same for those who do have the capacity and the financial Runway and the resources to have that higher quality production.

I don't even want to call it higher quality production. Have an aspect of production. Let's say that. Yeah, that feels better. So that's the real story.

No strategic sabbatical, no plan break for content creation.

But listen, if you're in your own shame spiral about consistency, about not showing up the way you think you should, about watching others who seem to have it all figured out, I see you. And I want you to know that your timeline doesn't have to look like anyone else's.

Your version of showing up doesn't have to match what works for someone with different circumstances. The most healing thing I've done lately isn't journaling or meditating or optimizing my morning routine.

It's being honest about what I actually have capacity for and building from there instead of from some imaginary standard of what success should look like. Here's what I want from you. If this resonated, please leave a review.

Not because I need the algorithm boost, but because there are other burnt out millennials trying to build something real while managing actual life. And they need to find conversations like this. Hit me up on Instagram at Healing in hindsight.

I want to hear about your own accidental breaks, your own struggles with consistency, your own moments of choosing sustainability over performance. We need to stick together and we need to remind each other that it's okay. So until next time, remember, you're figuring it out and that's enough.

Sometimes the most mature thing you can do is admit you're still learning.

Keep healing, keep building, but make it sustainable.